If Proverbs 31 Makes You Feel Inadequate

She is clothed with strength and dignity and she laughs without fear of the future.

Proverbs 31:25

To those of us in the trenches of motherhood Proverbs 31 seems like a long, ugly list just waiting to point out our shortcomings. Nothing can make you feel inadequate quite like this chapter when you are a weary, worn-thin mother. 

Your sink is full of dirty dishes, your inbox is overflowing, there is a load of laundry in your machine that you washed three days ago and you’ve successfully forgotten to take it out (though you’ve probably remembered to start the wash for good measure at least twice by now). 

And one day, one extra chaotic day, you snap. (Probably shortly after you’ve come home from church on a Sunday after sitting in the nursery with your tiny child again, still not having heard a single sentence from the sermon for what will have seemed like eternity). 

You’ll long for those days when you would sit quietly meditating on God’s word. Those days when you would pray in the quiet of your home. Those days when you dreamed of working overseas to serve in an orphanage, or building homes, or supplying people with fresh water-- you know, the important stuff! You’ll come home, quietly stifle your tears while you plop sandwich meat on some bread for lunch, then excuse yourself to collapse on your bed.

In anguish the plea goes out to God: “Why aren’t you giving me more time to serve you?! If I’m suppose to be doing Kingdom work, then when and how do I fit it in between nose wipes, bath-times, and paying bills?”

The thought of further adding Proverbs 31 expectations to your plate to be the “ideal” woman causes you to sink deeper into despair. On some level, you think perhaps you’ve failed miserably in your ability to keep up.

Did I describe you?

I'm fairly certain I just described every mother with children.

Including myself.

But, there may be a slightly different picture of who this Proverbs 31 woman is suppose to be. It’s also clear to see who she isn’t. In the 21 verses that describe this woman, nowhere does it say she sits quietly for hours deep in prayer with God, nowhere does it say she leaves behind the mundane and goes to serve in a foreign country. This gives us hope!

If you really slow down this chapter you’ll find what most of us would say are the mundane chores of a day. She makes meals for her family, she shops for the best deal on whatever her household needs, she stays up late hemming her husband's pants (well, sort of). Her husband is well known and highly regarded, so we can safely assume she A) spends a lot of time listening to him and being an encourager, and B) she holds down the fort while he tends to work so he doesn’t have to worry about home. She sews clothes, has a little business to earn a little money, and watches over her household and family (probably even wiping snotty noses in there somewhere). 

And while she opens her arms to the needy, it seems to be right out her back door, not overseas.

Every single one of those tasks isn’t glamorous. None of those tasks demand the, “Look at me, I’m serving and doing amazing things for God!” kind of attention. They are the quiet and the ordinary things of life. It’s 21 verses of a busy wife/mom doing what busy wives/moms do best. It’s 21 verses of dishes, laundry, drying teary eyes, mopping floors, showering, date night, hemming pants, and making a casserole for a sick neighbour.

Sometimes God moves us quickly from one spot to another, and other times we are called to just sit tight...for what seems like forever (especially when we're in the middle of it). He anchors us for awhile so to speak. He’s doing it because he doesn’t NEED us to do anything, except to be right where we are. 

He doesn’t need our hands holding orphans in Uganda, he’s got it. What he really needs is us holding the hands of our children. He doesn’t need our mouths teaching English in Singapore, he’s got that too. He’d rather our mouths teach our children. He doesn’t need us to stay up for hours contemplating deep theological theories, he knows them all anyway. Go to bed, tired mama!

Above all else, the Proverbs 31 woman knows that she’s right where God wants her. She knows she’s serving God through the mundane. It isn’t where she is or what she’s doing, it’s her attitude. 

"Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men,  knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ." Colossians 3:23-24

"Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content." Philippians 4:11

She knows that when this world fades away it won’t matter whether she’s washed laundry, cooked hot dogs and Kraft Dinner, and cleaned dog puke stains from the carpet for the entire last year, or created a ministry that clothes the homeless around the globe. 

What will matter is HOW she served WHEREVER she served. Did she feed her family the KD and hotdogs with kindness, and treat the little one who spilled their cup of water for the gazzilionth time with a gentle approach that reflected God? Did she seek to do the mundane knowing it was God that required that of her, not just temporary circumstances that she's only waiting to get through to get to the other side of where she can REALLY serve?

Her strength and dignity, and her fearlessness of tomorrow all come from knowing that she’s right where God needs her. Right here. Right now. 

He makes the world spin, he really doesn’t need us to do anything more than sit down on the floor and read "Hop on Pop" to our tiny child one more time before bed. Our lives bring him glory whether we heard this week's sermon OR if we rocked our baby in a chair while attempting to stay awake from sleep deprivation in the back corner of church.

You’re right where God needs you.

At the end of the day, when you crawl into bed and mutter a tiny, “Thank you for getting me through today”, before you fall asleep, it’s enough for this season you’re in. You're doing enough. God needs you here. Right here. And rest assured, one day you'll hear a sermon again.

"But as for you, O man of God, flee these things. Pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, steadfastness, gentleness." 1 Timothy 6:11 (emphasis mine)

photo credit: Daria Shevtsova @ Pexels & Dawid Sobolewski @ Unsplash

If the Thought of Christmas With Your Family Makes You Cringe

Some of you will have family circumstances that are less than ideal heading into Christmas. You may be feeling the weight of the coming gatherings begin to push you down and rob of you of the “festive spirit”. You may wonder if you are the only one not dreaming of dancing sugarplums, but instead losing sleep on what waits for you around the corner. 

Take heart my friend. 

Christmas is not about an idyllic scene from a movie with the whole family chortling arm in arm as they belt out carols by the roaring fire in sweet harmony. 

It is not about whatever image of perfection you have made it out to be in your mind. 

Christmas is about a God, who loved his people so much, that he stepped into the mess of humanity to redeem it all. Christmas is about dirty, filthy, unlovable people being saved by a mighty and powerful God even though they did not deserve any of it.

 “...but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:8

Christmas is about redemption. Period.

God’s redemption can bring about all the peace, joy, hope, and love that we associate with Christmas and beyond. But, before we could even see his grace for what it was, it first had to enter into the darkness of a fallen world. Right there, in the middle of the darkest of days of Israel, came the birth of the Prince of Peace, born in the middle of the sins of humanity. 

Redemption happened when God stepped out of his perfect kingdom and walked in the darkness alongside his children to save us.

If you’re feeling blue, or discouraged, or embarrassed of the less than perfect picture you will walk into this season, let God’s redemptive grace wash you anew. Allow yourself to let go of “perfect” and embrace the mess knowing God’s redemptive plan is still at work in all of us. Despite the mess we may be in, God is still a God who will roll up his sleeves and step into our darkness to redeem. 

There is joy in knowing his grace has not grown stale. 

There is hope in knowing He has not forgotten any one of us.

There is peace in knowing He will not give up on the lost.

HE is love that abounds so deeply it can wash over the gnashes of hurt and pain, cleansing us into holiness.

Blessings on you all this Christmas. See you in the new year!

Love,

Sarah

Photo by Kaboompics // Karolina from Pexels 

A Season of Transition

It was late August when the first leaf began to display the faintest tinge of yellow. 

“Look,” my daughter exclaimed in sheer glee, “summer is almost over!”

I knew fall was around the corner, there was a crispness to the morning air that had not been there until then. But that’s not what she was excited for. No, her excitement was for a day much later than autumn, and beyond the days of crispy leaves. Her mind had already focused in on Christmas. 

As the leaves became speckled in oranges, reds, and yellows over the coming weeks her anticipation bloomed into daily musings on the coming Christmas season.

After much negotiations her and I, one of us more than the other, agreed we needed to wait until after Thanksgiving before we turned our thoughts to a new season. 

The turkey had barely been put away (keep in mind, we have our Thanksgiving in October), when she promptly began asking if we could set up the tree. 

*sigh* 

She was relentless.

Finally, the day arrived, sooner than I would have liked, but much too delayed for her, where our living room became an explosion of lights, ribbons, and all things that glitter. She was in her glory dancing around the room! She thoughtfully gave ranking order to each fragile heirloom and decided which needed to be in plain sight, and which could be tucked neatly scattered with wild abandonment into a corner. 

That night both girls asked for a few extra minutes to stay up and “discuss” Christmas. This was a serious matter of the heart that needed addressing before sleep filled their little eyes. 

We are now into advent and the expectancy of the season has only heightened. 

As I sat here listening to her latest theory on how the unfolding of Christmas morning festivities will be carried out, my eyes focused on the nativity scene spread out behind her. 

No doubt, I am aware that we are celebrating the birth of Jesus. The focus at the center of this season is the fact that God sent his Son to save all of humanity and redeem creation. But, perhaps I have forgotten that Christmas is a reminder that we live in a transitional season. What fall is to winter, Christmas is to the second coming of Christ.

In front of us lays a season to celebrate the first coming of Jesus, but the story doesn’t end December 26th when decorations begin to be packed away. This season is a reminder that, like the yellowing of the leaves, there is another season right behind this one. 

From the fig tree learn its lesson: as soon as its branch becomes tender and puts out its leaves, you know that summer is near. So also, when you see all these things, you know that he is near, at the very gates. (Matthew 24:32-33)

We have a wedding to be prepared for! Our bridegroom is at the gate awaiting his returning to us for a second time. He is the... 

Wonderful Councelor

Mighty God

Everlasting Father, and

Prince of Peace

...and He is all ours! 

He is waiting in anticipation for his bride, but am I? My daughter’s zealousness has caused me to stop and wonder if I’m making time to get excited for him with childlike anticipation? 

Have I, like her, managed to see what is still to come? Do I make time to allow it to wash over my thoughts?

Or have I fallen into the humdrum of the seasonal festivities? 

Do I share her enthusiasm for the long awaited most glorious season that is yet to come?

What JOY should fill our hearts as we pause to consider who is waiting at the gate for us! 

What JOY to know that whatever this season has to offer in all its splendor, the best season is yet to come. 

Christmas is a reminder, not just of what we have today, but that we live in a time when all of creation awaits the second return of Christ. Let us be reminded of this hope and joy long after the decorations are placed back in their bins. 

Photo credit: alisa anton @ unsplash.com

4 Lessons I Learned By Walking Where Humans Dare to Tread

In my last post I shared how God redeemed our marriage from a drug addiction, and near divorce.
As I reflect on that time of my life and what is cost me to stay, I can also say I learned a ton from my experience. Since we are celebrating the four year anniversary of God saving our marriage, I wanted to share four brief lessons I have learned by staying and trusting God instead of walking away.

1.  Staying is not the easy route.

Walking away may seem like the easy thing to do, but our marriage vows don’t say, “for better or for kind of difficult circumstances." They said, “for better or for worse," and for worse is really, REALLY horrible for some of us. It is a trial of our faith to stand our ground and make the choice to stay. It will require you to walk by faith not by sight as you wander through what seems to be the enemy’s camp. 

2.  Staying meant I had to change too.

Romans 15:13 says, “May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.” It was no wonder I had lost my hope in my marriage. I allowed the pangs of hurt to determine my outlook instead of trust in God. As a result, instead of fruits of the Spirit, I had rotting, stinky fruit of destruction and wrath. 

If my husband and I were going to move forward I needed to change too. It would not have been fair for him to work so hard to change only for me to change nothing. I spent time in repentance, laying down my hurts and wounds. I asked God to soften my heart again, and to trust that God could fully handle all of the mess. It wasn't instant, it took time, but God heard and answered my prayers. 

3.  Never downplay your testimony

This is a lesson that took time. Initially neither my husband nor I were ready to share what we had gone through. We had shared our trial with a few close friends while we were going through it, but it took time before we were ready to share it with the world. Once we felt ready we both knew we needed to share every hurtful detail. 

We recognized two reasons why we need to share those details in that moment. The first was that if we did/ thought something, there are others experiencing the same things and need to know they are not alone. It eases the torment of the circumstance to know you are experiencing what others have survived. The second thing we both recognize is that to share anything less would have been to downplay the work God did in our lives. 

Imagine for a moment that the only recorded account of the moments leading up to Jesus’ death and resurrection went something like this: He was killed, and then he rose again. What if we took out all the graphic details of the betrayal of a friend, the mockery of the crown of the thorns for the “King of the Jews”, the naked display of sweat, blood, and death that Jesus endured? The scale to which God works in is downplayed when we narrow the boundaries of evil by eliminating the grim details. 

God is not fluffy. He does not just repair the surface, he repairs foundations. How will others trust his mighty ability to move and shift our lives if we only share what was on the superficial layer?

4. Staying provided the biggest witness to the type of relationship God has with the world.

This was a lesson I learned by seeing the reaction of others, and not by anything I thought I was doing. In a world where people pack up and leave at the first sign of offence, I had no idea that staying would paint a different picture. It became a portrait of God’s ability to forgive those who repent and turn from sin. It was an image of the grace and mercy He pours out on those who don’t deserve it. It was a statement that even when we mess up horribly, He not only doesn’t give up on us, but He makes straight our paths for us to return back to the safety and comforts of His embrace.

Even to those who have heard our story, but not known intimacy with God, it confused their logic. I've seen countless confused faces who were baffled by our story. "How could you stay through that?" I've been asked. Frankly, it was less of me and more of a reflection of the One who lives in me. 

When we stay through the trial (however graceful or clumsy we may feel) we give the world an example of a God of grace and mercy. Not by my own doing, but by His hand was I able to stay in the dark crevasse where the depth of despair is so deep that nothing but the love of God can reach it. We walked where humans dare tread, but we walked it with a God who fears nothing!



Photo by Spencer Selover from Pexels