2 Truths to Hang Tightly to When Riding an Emotional Rollercoaster

Emotions are odd things. They can swell up unexpectedly whether the moment calls for them or not, or they can be oddly absent when we are expected to have a response. Often we can even find ourselves depending on our emotions to be the driving force behind decision making. 

Emotions are subjective, not objective. They are dependant on the person experiencing them, and the entirety of who they are and where they’ve been is what brings about an emotional response. Emotions are not to be shrugged off but dealt with, however, there are two objective truths as Christians we must cling tightly to as we wade through the sea of emotions in our lives.

1. Our emotions cannot separate us from God.

There is a new kind of legalism taking over the church. This legalism implies that we must be optimistic at all times or else our faith is in jeopardy. We smile big to prove we possess Abraham like faith never letting on what’s brewing below the surface for fear others may perceive in us a weakness of faith. 

After Jesus was resurrected, but prior to his ascension he made several appearances. One, in particular, is my favourite. Two men are walking home from Jerusalem to Emmaus when Jesus shows up and starts walking alongside them. God makes the two men blind in their understanding of who Jesus is and they all begin to talk.

And he (Jesus) said to them, “What is this conversation that you are holding with each other as you walk?” And they stood still, Iooking sad.” (Luke 24:17, parentheses mine, emphasis mine)

They proceed to tell Jesus in all their sadness what they had just witnessed during his crucifixion in Jerusalem. His death still fresh and lingering in their thoughts brought them to a devastating conclusion:

“But we had hoped that he was the one to redeem Israel. Yes, and besides all this, it is now the third day since these things happened.” (Luke 24:21)

They “had hoped” past tense. Their hope was gone and they were sad, and yet walking alongside them was Jesus. In all their despair, the one who gives comfort was there all along! He walked with them talking as he went. At their home they invited Jesus in where he broke bread and blessed it at which point God revealed for the first time who their company really was. 

When we are blue, bitter, discouraged, frustrated we need to remember our emotions cannot separate us from God. In fact, as the two men found out, in their sadness and longing for a Redeemer he was closer than they recognized. What is important to note is that it is sin that causes separation from God not emotions, though emotions can lead us to sin if not kept in check. 

The two men experienced one last emotion that came with a very physical response.

They said to each other, “Did not our hearts burn within us while he talked to us on the road, while he opened to us the Scriptures?” (Luke 24:32 emphasis mine)

God’s word, like Jesus’ presence to the men, is where we find the balm for our aching souls. We pour out our hearts like the Psalms of lament and allow God to comfort, redeem, correct our thinking when we’ve strayed, and walk beside us in all our emotions knowing that He already knows how we feel. In our honesty and surrender He can move in to begin to restore. 

2. Our emotions cannot not bind us to God.

Many of us have felt the euphoric rush of a good worship song, and no doubt the Holy Spirit can speak to us as we offer up our songs of praise and worship to God! It is an extraordinary feeling to be surrounded by God's presence! But long after the band's last song, when we go home to our ordinary lives, our prayers sometimes seem to fall flat. Sometimes we even experience extended seasons where the fullness of God’s presence seems absent in our lives. In these seasons we need to remember it is not our emotions that bond us to God, but the redeeming blood of our Saviour that justifies our eternal bond. 

When Jesus casts out Legion (found in Matthew 8 and Mark 5) even the demons had an emotional response to his presence.

Seeing Jesus from a distance, he ran up and bowed down before Him; and shouting with a loud voice, he said, “What business do we have with each other, Jesus, Son of the Most High God? I implore You by God, do not torment me!” For He had been saying to him, “Come out of the man, you unclean spirit!” And He was asking him, “What is your name?” And he said to Him, “My name is Legion; for we are many.” And he began to implore Him earnestly not to send them out of the country. (Mark 5:6-10 emphasis mine)

These demons very clearly had an emotional response. We know that demons believe in God and shudder (James 2:19). They can have wildly emotional responses around God yet we know they are not saved. Because of this we can know that whether it was the shudder at the name of God or tears shed while speaking to him in prayer it is still not an indication that we are saved and bonded to Christ. We do not need to have an emotional response each and every time as much as we long to sense God's presence.

When we hang onto our moments of tearful euphoria as our hope for salvation, we ignore God’s other gift of logic and our minds. Though logic does not carry the warmth of an emotional experience, it is our anchor in seasons of drought. We can know that God is real because his word tells us so. We can know we are saved because his word also tells us without error that those who confess that Jesus is Lord, that he died for our sins, and who repent are adopted sons and daughters in God’s family. God is still present and working in our lives even we don't feel it. 

When our prayer life feels stagnant and dull we can certainly ask God’s Spirit to refresh our prayer lives. However, should we find ourselves in a quiet season of life, we can know in our mind, and hold tight to our faith that God is still there, and our salvation still stands, emotions notwithstanding. 

So take a deep breath. Thank God for giving us emotions as a way to express ourselves, but don’t cling so tightly to how you feel allowing your emotions to be your driving force. Know that your emotions cannot keep you from nor bind you to God. They will ebb and flow like they always do. Instead, hold fast to the word of God that provides us comfort and correction to soothe our aches and promises to anchor our thoughts knowing he is still walking alongside us. 

Love,

photo credit: Nick Demou @ Pexels.com

Lessons from the Highway

Not every moment is going to be easy, even when we walk it with God. There are no promises that everyday will be a smooth ride! Sometimes it's all to easy to become wrapped up in the all encompassing mess that is in front of us. Last week, while coming home from a road trip, I found myself being drawn into the tarred-up broken lines on the road. Below is a video to show you the metaphor I saw while driving that helps us to see above the broken road. 

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest."

                                                                                   ~ Jesus (Matthew 11:28)

Love,

Sarah

If the Thought of Christmas With Your Family Makes You Cringe

Some of you will have family circumstances that are less than ideal heading into Christmas. You may be feeling the weight of the coming gatherings begin to push you down and rob of you of the “festive spirit”. You may wonder if you are the only one not dreaming of dancing sugarplums, but instead losing sleep on what waits for you around the corner. 

Take heart my friend. 

Christmas is not about an idyllic scene from a movie with the whole family chortling arm in arm as they belt out carols by the roaring fire in sweet harmony. 

It is not about whatever image of perfection you have made it out to be in your mind. 

Christmas is about a God, who loved his people so much, that he stepped into the mess of humanity to redeem it all. Christmas is about dirty, filthy, unlovable people being saved by a mighty and powerful God even though they did not deserve any of it.

 “...but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:8

Christmas is about redemption. Period.

God’s redemption can bring about all the peace, joy, hope, and love that we associate with Christmas and beyond. But, before we could even see his grace for what it was, it first had to enter into the darkness of a fallen world. Right there, in the middle of the darkest of days of Israel, came the birth of the Prince of Peace, born in the middle of the sins of humanity. 

Redemption happened when God stepped out of his perfect kingdom and walked in the darkness alongside his children to save us.

If you’re feeling blue, or discouraged, or embarrassed of the less than perfect picture you will walk into this season, let God’s redemptive grace wash you anew. Allow yourself to let go of “perfect” and embrace the mess knowing God’s redemptive plan is still at work in all of us. Despite the mess we may be in, God is still a God who will roll up his sleeves and step into our darkness to redeem. 

There is joy in knowing his grace has not grown stale. 

There is hope in knowing He has not forgotten any one of us.

There is peace in knowing He will not give up on the lost.

HE is love that abounds so deeply it can wash over the gnashes of hurt and pain, cleansing us into holiness.

Blessings on you all this Christmas. See you in the new year!

Love,

Sarah

Photo by Kaboompics // Karolina from Pexels 

4 Lessons I Learned By Walking Where Humans Dare to Tread

In my last post I shared how God redeemed our marriage from a drug addiction, and near divorce.
As I reflect on that time of my life and what is cost me to stay, I can also say I learned a ton from my experience. Since we are celebrating the four year anniversary of God saving our marriage, I wanted to share four brief lessons I have learned by staying and trusting God instead of walking away.

1.  Staying is not the easy route.

Walking away may seem like the easy thing to do, but our marriage vows don’t say, “for better or for kind of difficult circumstances." They said, “for better or for worse," and for worse is really, REALLY horrible for some of us. It is a trial of our faith to stand our ground and make the choice to stay. It will require you to walk by faith not by sight as you wander through what seems to be the enemy’s camp. 

2.  Staying meant I had to change too.

Romans 15:13 says, “May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.” It was no wonder I had lost my hope in my marriage. I allowed the pangs of hurt to determine my outlook instead of trust in God. As a result, instead of fruits of the Spirit, I had rotting, stinky fruit of destruction and wrath. 

If my husband and I were going to move forward I needed to change too. It would not have been fair for him to work so hard to change only for me to change nothing. I spent time in repentance, laying down my hurts and wounds. I asked God to soften my heart again, and to trust that God could fully handle all of the mess. It wasn't instant, it took time, but God heard and answered my prayers. 

3.  Never downplay your testimony

This is a lesson that took time. Initially neither my husband nor I were ready to share what we had gone through. We had shared our trial with a few close friends while we were going through it, but it took time before we were ready to share it with the world. Once we felt ready we both knew we needed to share every hurtful detail. 

We recognized two reasons why we need to share those details in that moment. The first was that if we did/ thought something, there are others experiencing the same things and need to know they are not alone. It eases the torment of the circumstance to know you are experiencing what others have survived. The second thing we both recognize is that to share anything less would have been to downplay the work God did in our lives. 

Imagine for a moment that the only recorded account of the moments leading up to Jesus’ death and resurrection went something like this: He was killed, and then he rose again. What if we took out all the graphic details of the betrayal of a friend, the mockery of the crown of the thorns for the “King of the Jews”, the naked display of sweat, blood, and death that Jesus endured? The scale to which God works in is downplayed when we narrow the boundaries of evil by eliminating the grim details. 

God is not fluffy. He does not just repair the surface, he repairs foundations. How will others trust his mighty ability to move and shift our lives if we only share what was on the superficial layer?

4. Staying provided the biggest witness to the type of relationship God has with the world.

This was a lesson I learned by seeing the reaction of others, and not by anything I thought I was doing. In a world where people pack up and leave at the first sign of offence, I had no idea that staying would paint a different picture. It became a portrait of God’s ability to forgive those who repent and turn from sin. It was an image of the grace and mercy He pours out on those who don’t deserve it. It was a statement that even when we mess up horribly, He not only doesn’t give up on us, but He makes straight our paths for us to return back to the safety and comforts of His embrace.

Even to those who have heard our story, but not known intimacy with God, it confused their logic. I've seen countless confused faces who were baffled by our story. "How could you stay through that?" I've been asked. Frankly, it was less of me and more of a reflection of the One who lives in me. 

When we stay through the trial (however graceful or clumsy we may feel) we give the world an example of a God of grace and mercy. Not by my own doing, but by His hand was I able to stay in the dark crevasse where the depth of despair is so deep that nothing but the love of God can reach it. We walked where humans dare tread, but we walked it with a God who fears nothing!



Photo by Spencer Selover from Pexels 

Before You File for Divorce

Your hand is on the door, you’re ready to call to it quits. The tear stains on your pillow are the unspoken evidence of sleepless nights as your heart stung with the loss of what you had hoped your marriage would be. You were sad, then angry, then sad again, and now you are just numb. 

You are trying to look ahead to life without your husband, and on one hand you feel relief that it is almost over and you can forge ahead with a new life. On the other hand, you heart grieves with every beat the loss of the man you thought would hold your heart forever, and now he is no longer there to even offer a sympathetic hug in the most anguishing trial you have ever had to face.

If you’re really being honest with yourself, in the quiet of your heart and beyond the built-up resentment there is a restlessness. You are trying to not pay attention to it because the new-found numbness feels better. Even still, it is there. 

Let me tell you our story before you file for divorce…

It was 4 years ago that God worked a miracle and salvaged the unsalvageable. We had been married for 9 years and our marriage looked nothing like what I had imagined. My husband was a drug addict, addicted to pain medication he had begun taking in the days of his youth. At first, it wasn’t noticeable. He used them seldom and, quite frankly, marital bliss let me see everything through swooning young love eyes. 

But soon came kids, one and then two, then he could no longer hold down jobs as his addiction was taking over. Soon the pressure of work landed on me. I was working, raising kids, maintaining a household, and taking care of an often mentally-absent husband. After years of working at that speed while watching my husband check out of reality my heart began to callous. I was worn out, and worked to the bone. I had started taking heart medication as I was not handling the stress well. I blamed him for my failing health. 

This was not a man worth loving. This was not a man I wanted to grow old with. This was not the man for me.

We argued. I yelled...a lot. I grew angry, bitter, and fed up. I stopped internalizing my feelings and started letting everything out at the expense of my husband’s feelings. I didn’t care. He was hurting me and I was giving it all I could to throw hurt and pain back on him. I hated who I was becoming. But again, I blamed him for that too.

The extremely small few who knew our story told me to get out. They told me he would never change, and that I deserved better. 

And yet, through it all, whenever I prayed I never felt at peace about leaving oddly enough, and I hated that part! Though I certainly fantasized about life without him, or life with a man who had it pulled together. I daydreamed of a life with a spouse who was a companion not just a drugged out shell of a man wearing a hole in the couch.

I could not understand why I didn’t feel released to go. I certainly wanted to with every last morsel of my mind and body. So I did the only thing I knew how to do…I prayed.

 After a year of what I would call the worst of it I cried out my final prayer to God. 

“This is all I can take! No more! Save me! Am I not worth more to you than this?! Why won’t you give me peace to leave?”. I trembled and sobbed uncontrollably. It was just too much. It was that night that I asked God that he would either let my husband die from overdose, or let me just not wake up. 

I had been sleeping in my daughter’s room for about 2 years at that point, and the following morning he came stumbling into the bedroom before I had even woken up. He let out a loud wail and collapsed on the floor. The dramatic awakening reminded me that God had not answered my plea. Both of us had woken up.

What happened next was a series of actions that moved quickly. I kicked him out. He moved in with his parents. 

I began to final speak about this quiet hell that I had been living in with a set of good friends for the first time. They assured me that my husband needed help and that they would rally behind us. We prayed long and hard! My heart was racing and sleep was elusive as we moved through this phase of the journey.

A few days later I called him home and gave him an ultimatum. Get help, or get out--permanently. 

This decision did not come from me genuinely wanting a divorce. In spite of it, this was the man I once chose to make a lifelong commitment to. It was in this moment that I realized that I could not save this marriage on my own accord. I was keenly aware of the risks involved. My husband could have said "no" to help and walked away from me and the kids. He also could have said "no" and found a great lawyer and taken the kids for himself leaving me with nothing. 

It was in this moment that I let go of the white knuckled grip on my marriage and placed it in the hands of God. He was the only hope I had, and for the first time in years deep down inside a small glimmer of peace began to brew.

After much anger and name calling to me he left to rehab. Unbeknownst to me, he had every intention of completing the program with the intent of coming home sober just long enough to divorce me and take the kids. The very fear I feared the most.

Everyday came phone calls from him while he was in rehab. Each time I picked up came badgering words. 

One day I was laying on the couch to exhausted to move when the phone rang. It was him. I didn’t want to pick up, but something in me caused me to reach for the phone before I knew what I was doing. 

“Hello Beautiful,” he said to me.

Was he high? Who had snuck drugs into this man in a locked up facility?! 

We had been praying for him in our prayer group the night before and that morning. He knew about these prayers but had simply told me to, “Shove it.” He wanted nothing to do with God, and didn’t think prayer was of any use. He told me regularly that praying for him would be a waste of time. Nevertheless, we prayed. 

What he told me next was nothing short of a miracle. He told me he was sitting there that morning when a wave of peace and joy washed over him. He felt new, like he had never felt before. In that moment, and from that moment on he was washed clean from the desire to do drugs. He was filled with God’s presence in a tangible way. 

Tears rolled down my face and I knew that God had answered all our poured out prayers.

He came on Christmas Eve (best Christmas present ever!). Oh, don’t get me wrong, it was not an instant happily-ever-after story. It has taken work to rebuild trust. He has had to live openly and honestly with me when I ask him questions about his health. And I have had to relearn how to put the filter back on my thoughts. He is not the man he was, and I cannot treat him like it. It has been tremendous effort on both our parts to come together again, but it has come with sweetness and joy as we pursue the marriage we originally hoped for. Truly this victory is God’s!

It has been 4 years ago to the day that he took his final pill. I now have a new husband. He is truly the man I had hoped to marry many years ago. I am completely in love with him, and he with me. I want with all my heart to grow old with this man. 

My dear, sweet reader, have hope. Your marriage is not lost, your grip on it is just too tight. Place your marriage in the stable, steady hand of God and then grip his mighty hand as he works in ways you cannot see today. He will hear your cries.

First and foremost, pray for your own heart that it would not callous over to the man you pledged your love too, but that it would stay warm to the idea of marriage to him. Pray for your spouse that his heart would soften. That the chains of his past would be broken and new bonds would be made. 

Pray that God would work miracles. And be willing to speak, move, push, and (the hardest of all) be still and be silent as He leads.

May I leave you with a verse that helped me in my trials.

Therefore lift your drooping hands and strengthen your weak knees, and make straight paths for your feet, so that what is lame may not be put out of joint but rather be healed.  Strive for peace with everyone, and for the holiness without which no one will see the Lord. See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no “root of bitterness” springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled; (Hebrew  12:12-15)

If you are stuck, please send me a prayer request. It was by the hand of God at work, and the prayers of a loving community that got us through. I would love to return the favour to those in need.

Love,

Sarah (and The Mr.)

(Disclaimer: in all our years of marriage my husband never abused me. Our circumstances crushed my spirit, but never my bones. If you are in an abusive relationship you need to get help and remove yourself danger.)

photo credit: Annie Spratt @ Unsplash.com and George Becker from Pexels 

Living in Authentic Faith Even in the Midst of Pain

One quiet day when no one was home I found an old box in our basement. I had just read a story in The Good and Beautiful God of a professor who had his students beat up a box to prove a theological point. I’ll get to the point in second, but let me back up to tell you what happened the day I gave it a go. 

At first I was careful. I gently took a knife and punctured a hole through it. To my surprise tears flooded my eyes. I kept going being less and less gentle with this box. Each rip, each stomp represented something in my life that had changed who I was, something that hurt deeply. Each crumple and each hole was a painful memory from my past. I kicked the box around my kitchen awhile longer thankful that no one was around to watch the spectacle.

So what was the point?

I took my beat-up chunk of cardboard and went to my dark basement. I stuck a light inside the box and stood back to survey the damage. Shining into the darkness was the light that was inside the beaten up box. It occurred to me in that moment that where the most damage had been inflicted was the exact spot that the light could escape more easily and shine the furthest.

How often do we try to the cover the wounds and hurts from our own life? But here’s the thing...when you attempt to cover the rips, the wounds, and the imperfections life has left you on, you deny God the ability to shine through your weakness. 

Living as authentic Christians we don't get to claim we are perfect either in our words, our actions, or by what we keep concealed deep inside. 

You see, on our own, our lives are a dumpy piece of unusable cardboard. But, the moment we invite God to be part of our lives, he enters in and does what he does best. He takes our damaged lives and enters into a union with us so he can shine through our mess into the darkness around us. That's the Good News of our salvation!

There is nothing we can do in our own ability to cause God's hope to shine forth from us. We are not saved by our good deeds. We can only walk out our lives openly and vulnerably in a way that others can see that it is by what Christ has done for us that we find our value. 

We need to stop beating ourselves up to be better tomorrow, continually grasping at being a “perfect” Christian and falling short every time, until defeat swallows you up. It’s time to let perfection go, my friend. Neither you, nor I will make that mark on this side of heaven. 

Remember God’s promise to Paul though? He says that his power is made perfect in our weakness. (2 Cor. 12:9)  He understands we are weak, and imperfect. He weeps for us when we are crushed and damaged by the sin of this world. Then, His strength and power shine brightly out of our wounds and darkness loses the battle once again. 

I encourage you this week to let your guard down and allow God to shine through your weakness spreading hope to those around you.

For God, who said, “Let light shine out of darkness,” made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of God’s glory displayed in the face of Christ. But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. (2 Cor 4:6-9)