4 Lessons I Learned By Walking Where Humans Dare to Tread

In my last post I shared how God redeemed our marriage from a drug addiction, and near divorce.
As I reflect on that time of my life and what is cost me to stay, I can also say I learned a ton from my experience. Since we are celebrating the four year anniversary of God saving our marriage, I wanted to share four brief lessons I have learned by staying and trusting God instead of walking away.

1.  Staying is not the easy route.

Walking away may seem like the easy thing to do, but our marriage vows don’t say, “for better or for kind of difficult circumstances." They said, “for better or for worse," and for worse is really, REALLY horrible for some of us. It is a trial of our faith to stand our ground and make the choice to stay. It will require you to walk by faith not by sight as you wander through what seems to be the enemy’s camp. 

2.  Staying meant I had to change too.

Romans 15:13 says, “May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.” It was no wonder I had lost my hope in my marriage. I allowed the pangs of hurt to determine my outlook instead of trust in God. As a result, instead of fruits of the Spirit, I had rotting, stinky fruit of destruction and wrath. 

If my husband and I were going to move forward I needed to change too. It would not have been fair for him to work so hard to change only for me to change nothing. I spent time in repentance, laying down my hurts and wounds. I asked God to soften my heart again, and to trust that God could fully handle all of the mess. It wasn't instant, it took time, but God heard and answered my prayers. 

3.  Never downplay your testimony

This is a lesson that took time. Initially neither my husband nor I were ready to share what we had gone through. We had shared our trial with a few close friends while we were going through it, but it took time before we were ready to share it with the world. Once we felt ready we both knew we needed to share every hurtful detail. 

We recognized two reasons why we need to share those details in that moment. The first was that if we did/ thought something, there are others experiencing the same things and need to know they are not alone. It eases the torment of the circumstance to know you are experiencing what others have survived. The second thing we both recognize is that to share anything less would have been to downplay the work God did in our lives. 

Imagine for a moment that the only recorded account of the moments leading up to Jesus’ death and resurrection went something like this: He was killed, and then he rose again. What if we took out all the graphic details of the betrayal of a friend, the mockery of the crown of the thorns for the “King of the Jews”, the naked display of sweat, blood, and death that Jesus endured? The scale to which God works in is downplayed when we narrow the boundaries of evil by eliminating the grim details. 

God is not fluffy. He does not just repair the surface, he repairs foundations. How will others trust his mighty ability to move and shift our lives if we only share what was on the superficial layer?

4. Staying provided the biggest witness to the type of relationship God has with the world.

This was a lesson I learned by seeing the reaction of others, and not by anything I thought I was doing. In a world where people pack up and leave at the first sign of offence, I had no idea that staying would paint a different picture. It became a portrait of God’s ability to forgive those who repent and turn from sin. It was an image of the grace and mercy He pours out on those who don’t deserve it. It was a statement that even when we mess up horribly, He not only doesn’t give up on us, but He makes straight our paths for us to return back to the safety and comforts of His embrace.

Even to those who have heard our story, but not known intimacy with God, it confused their logic. I've seen countless confused faces who were baffled by our story. "How could you stay through that?" I've been asked. Frankly, it was less of me and more of a reflection of the One who lives in me. 

When we stay through the trial (however graceful or clumsy we may feel) we give the world an example of a God of grace and mercy. Not by my own doing, but by His hand was I able to stay in the dark crevasse where the depth of despair is so deep that nothing but the love of God can reach it. We walked where humans dare tread, but we walked it with a God who fears nothing!



Photo by Spencer Selover from Pexels 

5 Ways my Husband Reflects Christ

Young ladies, if you are at an age where finding a spouse is on your radar, do yourself a favour and find a man who reflects Christ. As we watch marriages crumble all around us, I can't help but to be thankful for a husband who (while he isn't perfect...though I'm no walk in the park either!), certainly works hard to be a reflection of Christ in action and words. Don't settle for anything less than that! 

Here are 5 ways my husband reflects Christ...

                                                                     

1. He loves as my lowest lows.

Last year I struggled against depression after having had what I will just call "2 year long post-partum depression". He fought hard for my health, but what meant the most was that he loved me when I was unlovable. I was angry, sad, anxious, and tired all day, everyday, without a break. He gave me comfort, he reminded me it would have an end point, he never let me think I was going at life alone.

2. He would correct my bad behaviour because he knew I was capable of better.

This is tough one. We often see Jesus as our chummy buddy who loves us without rebuke. No doubt he loves us unconditionally! But the thing is, if he didn’t call on us to be better, our own sinful nature would take over. 

My husband does not scold me, instead he reminds me there are better approaches than the one I just chose. He has seen me in my finest hour and knows what I am capable of. He does not want to see me give way to something less than who I am. It does not come from his own pride and selfish motive, but because he knows I'm worth it. When I am living better, we are living better together. (see point 1 to remember that on my lowest days he still loved me for me.)

3. He can lead well.

It is difficult for us women who have been bombarded with the rise of empowerment for our gender to step back and let our men lead. I, for one, love to see strong men rising up who can take the lead and do it well (can I get an "amen"?!). There is something utterly attractive about a man who can see the needs of his family and meet them through his leadership. I can rest easier in my day knowing that the tasks he does are done well and will benefit our family. I don’t need to think about them, which frees me to do other tasks that I need to do. 

Could I do what he does? Some things (he has a lot more brute strength than me which often comes in handy...especially for pickle jar lids...haha! Kidding dear, I love you for way more than your strength!). But, I don’t need the weight of the world on my shoulders. That’s not for me to carry. 

He has shown me that Jesus leads well and I can trust handing over all aspects of my life to him knowing he has a perfect plan.

4. He knows HOW to love me.

I’m not talking about sex here, it’s way beyond that. He is my greatest lover and knows me intimately. He gives me gifts that mean something to me. He knows my love languages. He thinks of me often through the day and lets me know it in varying ways. I see him across the room and swoon at his presence because out of everyone in that room, only HE knows how to love me in a way that matters to me. He gets me! 

It is this point that he has taught me the most about our Great Lover. Jesus knows each of us so intimately it should make you blush. That’s a lover worth having a  relationship with. 

5. Relationships take effort 

Our relationship has been marked by trials and has put the “worse” part of “for better or for worse” to trial. It takes extraordinary amounts of commitment and intentionality to stay married. We have had to fight for each other on more than one occasion. He for me, and I for him. 

Marriage is not something you should do on a whim and expect great results. It is process of fighting past the temptation to run and handing the relationship over to the hands of God to hold together. 

By my own doing, I will not stay committed to Christ. I am rebellious in nature and, in spite of what I want to believe, my sinner’s body would cause me to become, at the very least, complacent (if not running in the opposite direction altogether). 

Much like my marriage, when I feel myself begin to wander, I place my faith and relationship with Christ back in the hands of God to strengthen it. I fight past the temptations and work at my relationship with Christ remembering all that he is to me.

Married women, in what ways does your spouse reflect Christ? Let's give the young ladies some encouragement!